Monday, April 15, 2013

I spent time with Monica today. She is definitely one of the people I can talk about this whole thing with.
We first took Bruce (her adorable little Vizsla puppy) to the dog park, walking there and back and the entire time we were there. I have no idea how long we were actually there, but I was pretty tired when I got home.
I wore the new shoes I bought a while ago (the black and pink ones), and they helped with my hips, legs and back. I love talking to Monica about things concerning health and fitness because she is so adamant about it herself, that she just infects people.
We came back to my house and watched Hungry For Change together. I had already seen it, but she hadn't. Every time I watch it, it scares me.
I realize that my old lifestyle, and my old eating habits have got to leave; Monica asked me what spurred my sudden drastic change, and I couldn't really come up with one. It sort of just clicked this morning, when I was getting dressed. I looked in the mirror and saw that the 45 pounds I had gained since graduating high school were not attractive at all, ribbed with stretch marks from the most recent 30 of that 45 pounds being within the last year with my quitting smoking and excessive emotional eating.
I understand that I am making a change for the better; for the rest of my life.
I also find that talking to people (usually my mother) about health and nutrition solidifies the idea that I need to be strong. I need to keep with this, no matter how bad I want to eat that bag of chips (my ultimate weakness) or that cheeseburger from McDonald's, or anything from Burger King, Buffalo Wild Wings, anything like that. I understand my limits, and I am trying my hardest to keep within them.
The hard part comes when my boyfriend is in the picture.
I cook almost all homemade foods now; and I am okay with that and so is he. I started the gluten and dairy-free diet of my own will, not for medical reasons or anything like that. I told myself I will do it for a week, to see how I feel. I feel infinitely better, but I don't think that my boyfriend understands that I am making permanent healthy changes. I don't know if I will continue this diet once my one week is up, but one thing for sure: I have already thrown out everything that I do not (not cannot) want to eat anymore. All unnatural and unhealthy foods. I buy fresh meat, fruits and veggies at the store. I buy chips made out of rice, which I would never have done in my past life, and eat them with delicious black bean dips and salsas. I don't feel deprived; the only thing I miss are those thick chocolate shakes sliding down my throat, or that melting cheese on those burgers, the crispy coating and sticky sauces of chicken wings. But I don't miss the heartburn, the weird texture of those burger patties, or the toothaches I get from too much sugar. I am not removing foods from my diet: I am replacing them. I am eating all the same things, just with healthier ingredients.
I have been slacking in the exercise department, but I will get there.
One stepping stone at a time.